Beth Zalantai, MSc, is a clinically trained mental health professional with extensive experience delivering and supervising evidence-based psychological care. As a mom and therapist, Beth provides compassionate support for moms navigating their mental health.
Dear Worried Mom,
I see you. I see how much you care, how hard you try, and how deeply you love. You’re not alone in this. Both new moms and experienced moms experience worry.
The fact that you worry is a reflection of just how much your family means to you. It’s your brain’s way of trying to protect your loved ones and prepare for the unknown.
Sometimes, worry can feel helpful, like maybe if you think through every possibility and all the worst-case scenarios, you’ll be more prepared. It might even bring a sense of relief, like you’re doing something to keep your family safe. But the truth is, no one can plan for everything. And worry doesn’t actually stop bad things from happening. Instead, overthinking can leave you stuck in a loop, keeping your mind on high alert and leaving you emotionally drained.
Let’s talk about how you can start to lighten that load. I’d like to share a few strategies you can lean on when anxious thoughts come up:
Worry has a way of making every problem feel urgent. Slowing down and sorting through your thoughts can help you figure out which ones are truly worth your mental energy, and which ones you can set aside.
Some worries can be acted on, and others simply can’t be solved right now. Categorizing your thoughts as actionable or non-actionable worries can help quiet some of the noise and give you a clearer sense of direction.
Here are two simple questions that can help you figure out where your worry belongs:
If the answer to either is yes, it’s an actionable worry, and that means you can take a step, even a small one, toward addressing it.
If the answer to both is no, it’s likely a non-actionable worry, and that means you can let it go, or at least put it to the side for now. If it’s hard to let go of the thought, try gently redirecting your attention. You might shift your activity or focus on your five senses to bring yourself back to the present moment.
Some worries are hard to ignore, even when you know there’s nothing you can do about them right now. That’s where worry time can help.
Worry time is a practice where you set aside some time in your day to think through whatever’s on your mind. Instead of trying to push your worries away, postponing them until worry time allows you to choose when to deal with them. It can help them feel a little less intrusive and give you back a sense of control.
Here’s how it works:
Worry doesn’t have to disappear before you can engage fully in your life. In fact, the more you try not to think about something, the more it tends to stick around.
Instead of pushing your thoughts away, try acknowledging them with something like, “Thank you, mind, for giving me this thought.” Then you can let the thought exist as long as it wants to. This shift can help take away some of the power that worries hold over you.
This is where the “and” mindset comes in. You can experience worry and still live your life how you want to. You can feel anxious and still be present with your family. You can feel worried and still enjoy a walk with your baby. By accepting that sometimes you have anxious thoughts and letting them be without fighting them, you can disarm your thoughts. Being an anxious mother or a worried mother doesn’t take away from being a good mother.
If it ever feels like anxious or intrusive thoughts are beginning to affect your daily life, behaviors, relationships, self-care, or ability to care for your child, talk to your healthcare provider or your child’s pediatrician about what you’re experiencing.
Research shows that one in five women will experience symptoms of a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD). PMADs are a group of treatable mental health conditions that can occur during pregnancy or in the postpartum period. Healthcare providers, mental health professionals, and support groups specializing in perinatal mental health can provide appropriate care, support, and treatment options for moms experiencing PMADs, including postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression.
Organizations like Postpartum Support International offer valuable resources, helplines, and connections to local support groups and therapists specializing in perinatal mental health. You can learn more about your options for support by contacting your healthcare system, local Medicaid office, or insurance company. Some states offer psychiatry access programs for moms. You can also call the Postpartum Support International Helpline at 1-(800)-944-4773 or the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline (available 24/7) at 1-(833)-852-6262 to be connected with resources.
Caring for your wellbeing is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your loved ones. When you are well, you can more fully show up in your children’s lives as the kind of parent you want to be.
And if you’d like some extra support along the way, we’re here to help. The Handling Worry Journey in the Moment for Parents app offers strategies to help you shift your perspective about worry and uncertainty, so you can focus on what truly matters to you. Start your Journey here.
A mother’s worry comes from a place of deep love and care. It means you're showing up for your child, your family, and your future, even when things feel uncertain. Worry is a part of mom life, but it doesn’t have to run the show. You can acknowledge it, make space for it, and still move forward with love and presence. And the fact that you’re here, thinking through these feelings and learning to care for yourself, too? That’s something to be proud of.
I know you’re a good parent. You’re showing it just by being here and caring this much.
With care,
Emily