Beth Zalantai, MSc, is a clinically trained mental health professional with extensive experience delivering and supervising evidence-based psychological care. As a mom and therapist, Beth provides compassionate support for moms navigating their mental health.
When it rains, it pours! Sometimes, it feels like everything is happening at once. During times of challenge, you may feel overwhelmed and defeated. Shifting your perspective can help you find the strength to keep moving forward on tough parenting days. In this article, we'll explore how you can build emotional resilience by applying Dr. Martin Seligman's three Ps: Personalization, Pervasiveness, and Permanence. These concepts can help you view challenges in a new light, embrace your inner strength, and take it one day at a time.
When faced with difficulties, it's common to blame yourself entirely for the situation. When you personalize the problem, you assume you are solely responsible for what went wrong. As a result, you carry unnecessary guilt and self-doubt, making it harder to find the motivation to move forward. Instead, consider external factors that might have contributed to the challenge.
For example, when you experience sudden changes in mood during pregnancy, you may ask yourself, What is wrong with me? But you can show yourself some self-compassion by considering the fact that it is the changing levels of pregnancy hormones that cause these shifts in mood and not any choice of your own.
During challenging times, it's easy to perceive the situation as all-encompassing, affecting every aspect of your life. This feeling of pervasiveness can make it hard to appreciate the good things happening elsewhere.
To build emotional resilience, remind yourself that difficult situations are temporary and do not define every part of your life. Try to recognize and celebrate the areas in which you are succeeding or finding joy. By doing so, you regain a sense of control and balance.
For example, if you experience a setback at work, you might believe that you will fail in all of your pursuits, making it difficult to move on. When you pause to consider the pervasiveness of the situation, you can see that this setback is only related to your job. It does not impact your ability to be a friend, a parent, a spouse, or any other areas in your life.
It's also common to believe that the challenges you face will last forever. This feeling of permanence can create a sense of hopelessness and prevent you from taking proactive steps to overcome obstacles. However, nothing in life is truly permanent. Change is constant, and difficult situations will pass with time. By accepting the impermanence of challenges, you open yourself up to the possibility of growth and better days ahead.
For example, if your baby experiences a fussy phase, you may feel like it will never end. However, if you take a moment to reflect, you might realize that your baby is experiencing a growth spurt and needs more food than usual, causing them to be extra fussy. By acknowledging that this growth spurt is temporary, you can strengthen your ability to cope during this challenging period.
It's okay to feel overwhelmed in the face of tough times. What matters most is how you respond to these challenges. By considering the three Ps, you can build emotional resilience and find the strength to keep moving forward. Take it one day at a time, and remember that you are not alone in this!