Beth Zalantai, MSc, is a clinically trained mental health professional with extensive experience delivering and supervising evidence-based psychological care. As a mom and therapist, Beth provides compassionate support for moms navigating their mental health.
From well-meaning family members to enthusiastic friends, everyone seems to have their own nugget of wisdom to share about pregnancy and motherhood. While you can't control the torrent of advice, you do have the power to shape how you respond to it. By learning strategies to handle and process feedback, you can stay true to your own ideas while learning from the perspectives of others. Let's explore how you can respond instead of react to parenting advice.
When advice pours in from all directions, it's easy to feel overwhelmed or even doubt yourself. Family, friends, partners, and even medical professionals have their opinions on what you should do and how you should do it. But we’re here to remind you that feedback is not a mirror reflecting your worth; it's a window into the experiences, values, and beliefs of others. Feedback is not so much about you as it is about their perspective. Embracing this mindset can depersonalize feedback, transforming it into a unique opportunity to learn about others, even when you don't see eye-to-eye.
Sometimes, when hearing feedback, we react instead of respond. Your body can become tense and struggle to take in new information. You may even find yourself getting defensive. A simple act such as taking a deep breath can help counter this instinctive reaction. Pausing before responding creates a space for a more thoughtful engagement with the feedback. Instead of becoming frustrated with feedback, let's find ways to use it for growth.
Identifying the type of feedback you receive can help you process it. In general, we receive two kinds of feedback:
Destructive feedback or criticism often carries a judgmental tone and might be based on false assumptions. It can be hard to listen to, and sometimes, it may be best that you don't. When receiving this type of feedback, you can decide not to listen to it. You have the power to let the other person know you don’t want to hear that information right now.
This might sound like:
"Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I'll take that into consideration.”
"I appreciate your feedback. However, I would like to take some time to think about it.”
On the other hand, constructive feedback typically combines praise with suggestions for improvement. It might not always be easy to hear, but it often holds valuable insights. When faced with constructive feedback, a valuable skill to cultivate is "listening to understand." Instead of immediately defending your position, embrace the role of an empathetic listener. Listen to discover what you can agree with without refuting, correcting, or bringing up your own complaints. This practice can be challenging, but it can lead to valuable personal growth and empathy.
Here are some ways you can respond to others when listening to understand:
"Wow, it really sounds like you value _____ . What in your experience led you to think this way?"
"Interesting. Where did you learn about that?"
"Thanks for sharing. What helped you navigate that situation?"
Your voice matters, and your opinions are valid. Yet, timing and context are essential. In situations where sharing your perspective could lead to conflict, it might be wise to step back and revisit the discussion later. When the atmosphere is calm, you might consider expressing your opinion.
Taking the time to acknowledge the other side before presenting your viewpoint can go a long way! This might sound like:
"I hear your feedback about ___."
"Thanks for sharing your opinions about ___."
"I'm glad you think it's important to ___."
Remember that feedback isn't about redefining your path; it's about enriching it with diverse perspectives. When you embrace feedback as a tool for growth, you can learn from others while staying true to your values.