Beth Zalantai, MSc, is a clinically trained mental health professional with extensive experience delivering and supervising evidence-based psychological care. As a mom and therapist, Beth provides compassionate support for moms navigating their mental health.
If you’re a working mom, you might feel like you’re being pulled in two directions at once. When you’re at work, part of you might worry about missing moments with your kids or not being there when they need you. But when you’re at home, part of you might worry about checking emails or the next steps you need to take on a project.
That tug-of-war can be exhausting, and for many working moms, it comes with a heavy dose of guilt. It’s the ache of wanting to show up fully for your kids and fully for your work, and feeling like no matter what you do, you can’t give your whole self to either side.
But underneath that guilt is something powerful: it reflects how deeply you care. And when your kids see you living a full, well-rounded life, it can spark something in them, too: the belief that they can grow into whole, purposeful people who honor all the parts of themselves.
At its core, guilt is a signal that you think you’ve done something wrong. But with parenting, the guilt often has less to do with your actions and more to do with the expectations you put on yourself. It can even slip into shame, which sounds like, “I’m a bad mom for working,” or, “I’m failing because I can’t do it all.”
One way to start softening guilt is to remind yourself: Working is not wrong. Providing for your family, pursuing your passions, and honoring all the parts of who you are are not wrong. In fact, research shows that children benefit from having working parents, not just financially, but also in the values they absorb. For example, a Harvard study shows that daughters of working women are more likely to earn higher wages, and sons of working women are more involved as fathers.
You can also think of your career pursuit as setting an example for your children. You're a role model for your child, and the choices you make can inspire them to follow their own dreams. When they see you honoring all the parts of yourself, they learn they can do the same. And that’s something to be proud of!
Instead of seeing working mom guilt as something to get rid of, you can use it as a source of information. When you take a moment to listen to your guilt, you may notice other emotions lying beneath the guilt, such as missing your child, feeling uncertain about a new situation, feeling overwhelmed by the weight of responsibilities, or feeling disconnected from yourself, among many others.
These strong emotions point to what matters most to you. If you step back and ask, Why does this matter so much to me?, you’ll usually find a core value underneath. Take a moment to imagine yourself 50 years from now. What do you want people to remember about you? Maybe it’s that you were deeply compassionate. Maybe it’s that you had the courage to follow your dreams. Maybe it’s that you lived a life filled with love and purpose. These reflect your core values. Tuning into these values can help you create boundaries and make choices that honor your identities as a parent, professional, and human being.
The next time you notice feelings of guilt, you can pause and ask yourself: Am I honoring my values? Am I showing up in the way I want to? If the answer is yes, you can remind yourself why you do what you do and why it’s important to you. If the answer is no, consider what adjustments you might be able to make, such as shifting your schedule or setting clearer boundaries. Even if you can’t make any changes right away, recognizing guilt as a signal of how much you care gives you room to respond with kindness and intention instead of self-judgment.
Boundaries can help you protect what’s important to you and create space for each part of you to show up fully. Each part of you is important to your identity, so being present will honor whatever part of you is at the forefront, whether it’s your professional self, your parent self, or you as a person.
Looking for support as you navigate work, parenting, and everything in between? Try the Thriving as a Working Parent Journey in the Moment for Parents app. You’ll practice setting boundaries based on your values and learn to reframe the guilt that says you’re not doing enough. Each step of the Journey is designed to help you feel more grounded, supported, and proud of the life you’re building.
If you find yourself struggling to be fully present at work due to thoughts about your family, you can take a moment to explore the root of these distractions. Perhaps you long for more quality time with your baby or feel uncertain about your child's well-being. By acknowledging these feelings, you can seek solutions that bring you peace of mind, such as finding ways to create meaningful moments with your family outside of work hours or calling a pediatrician or other care provider to evaluate your concerns about your child.
You can also create more separation in your day by setting designated check-in times when your family can reach you or expect to hear from you. You can set boundaries where your family avoids texting or calling outside of these designated periods. It's also helpful to discuss with your family or caregivers what constitutes an emergency, i.e., a time when they can contact you outside of your designated check-in times.
Protecting your time at home starts with deciding when you’ll engage with work and when you won’t. One way to do this is to limit when you check emails or messages during family time so you can be fully present. Creating a visual separation between work and home can also help. Keeping your laptop or work phone in a designated spot you can step away from makes it easier to shift out of work mode.
Another key piece is clearly defining your working hours and maintaining time boundaries with coworkers. That might mean blocking out your off-hours on your calendar or silencing notifications until the next morning. When you communicate these boundaries, you give your coworkers a clear sense of when they can expect you to show up and do your best work, and you give yourself permission to truly be off the clock at home.
Beyond being a parent or a professional, you are a human being. You need time for yourself to sustain your energy in your other life domains. This could look like practicing mindfulness, moving your body, spending time in nature, connecting with friends, expressing your creativity, or other activities that allow you to reconnect with yourself. Being present with yourself enables you to nurture your own growth, reflect on your accomplishments, and align your actions with your values.
Even with clear boundaries, there will probably still be times when you feel like you’re leaning more into one side than the other, and that’s okay. Work thoughts will inevitably spill into family time, just as family thoughts will spill into work time, but doing your best to set boundaries and stick to them will help contain these parts of your life. What matters most is creating space for all parts of you over time, not achieving perfect balance every single day.
Working mom guilt can feel heavy, but shifting the way you see it can take some of that weight off your shoulders. Instead of treating it as a sign you’re doing something wrong, you can see it as a sign of just how much you care about your kids, your work, and the life you’re building. You are showing up in big, meaningful ways every day. You are doing the best you can, and that is enough. Every time you honor your family, your professional life, and yourself as a person, you’re building a life filled with love and purpose, and inspiring your children to do the same.