Fact: Parenthood is unpredictable. Even experienced parents encounter unfamiliar situations. Not knowing what lies ahead and whether you can control every aspect of it can be daunting. If you find yourself caught in a swirl of “what ifs,” you’re not alone. Uncertainty can feel heavy, but it doesn’t have to be something you fight or fix.
It’s easy to believe you should have all the answers, or that you’re supposed to be the expert on your child from day one. But the truth is, no one is. Each day brings something new, and that’s okay. Letting go of the need to control every outcome can open up space for flexibility, curiosity, and even relief. Instead of measuring yourself by how much you know or can predict, you might find more ease in simply noticing what’s happening right now. Focus on what is, rather than what if.
If worry starts to take over, try:
You’re allowed to feel uncertain and still be a loving, attentive parent. There’s strength in accepting what you can’t control and gentleness in meeting yourself where you are. However the day unfolds, you’re doing enough.
Psychologist and Author, Susan Pollack, encourages to let go of the idea of control:
As we become more accepting of our flaws, of the fact that we can’t control our bodies, our children, our parents, or our partners, we become more able to accept uncertainty and to relax with things as they are, not as we want them to be. We learn not to hold on so tightly and to begin to let go of our agenda for how things should be.
from Self-Compassion for Parents: Nurture Your Child by Caring for Yourself
Therapist and Author, Suzannah Neufeld, reminds parents to keep a flexible mindset:
You’ll hear a lot of people say, “Don’t listen to anyone, because you are the expert on your baby.” That’s silly. You are not the expert on your baby. It takes years to become an expert on anything. And your baby is changing and new every day. This is like visiting a new country and assuming you should already know exactly how to speak the language, follow customs, and navigate the subway.
You are not an expert on your baby, and no one else is either. But the good news is: you don’t have to be! Being an expert gets in the way of responsiveness, flexibility, and accepting help from others. It leads to comparisons and shoulds. Instead of trying to be a “good mother” or an expert, what if we focused on being a mom who is ready to experiment, see her child as they are, and keep growing?
from Awake at 3 a.m.: Yoga Therapy for Anxiety and Depression in Pregnancy and Early Motherhood
How will you accept what is this weekend?
If you find yourself struggling with worries and anxiety, check out the Handling Worry Journey in the Moment for Parents app.