Bucketing Anxiety

Principles

Anxiety thrives on uncertainty. As parents, it’s easy to find ourselves caught in a loop of “what ifs”. Even when things seem to be going well, it’s possible to experience sadness, anxiety, or a sense of numbness. We can't stop uncomfortable emotions. But we can respond to these feelings and shift the stories we tell ourselves about them.

When worries pile up, it can feel like there’s no way out. But by taking a step back and categorizing your anxious thoughts, you can begin to untangle what truly needs your attention from what can be gently set aside.

Here's how to try this:

• When anxiety arises, pause and ask yourself the two key questions:
• Do I have control over this?
• Can I do anything about it right now?
• If the answer is "yes" to either question, you're facing an actionable worry. To move forward, you can jot down one clear action you can take today.
• If the answer "no" to both questions, you're facing a non-actionable worry. These can be particularly sticky in your mind. There's a few things you can do to unstick these worries from the loops in your mind:
• Try a senses grounding exercise: notice five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. You can try this meditation in the Moment for Parents app.
• Embracing a "both/and" mindset, as mentioned in our newsletter last week. You can experience anxiety and still fully engage in your life. This might sound like: "I can be anxious and enjoy family time during dinner."

Taking these mental shifts isn’t about ignoring your feelings, but about giving yourself permission to focus on what you can influence and to be kind to yourself when you can’t. By sorting through your thoughts and focusing on what you can do, you create space for clarity, connection, and self-kindness.

Perspectives

Jenny Lawson, journalist, author and blogger, highlights the complexity of our emotions:

I wish someone had told me this simple but confusing truth: Even when everything’s going your way you can still be sad. Or anxious. Or uncomfortably numb. Because you can’t always control your brain or your emotions even when things are perfect.

from Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things

Psychologist and Author, Susan Pollack, explains how to quiet the worrying mind:

As we try to keep an open mind and an open heart, to be awake and alive, we can disentangle from our worries and anxieties and see things more clearly. Living in the present unburdens us from the constant comparing and judging mind. Mindfulness teaches us that we can train our minds in revision and see other beings as being like us, having the same needs, wishes, and vulnerabilities. And this can help shift our experience of parenting, moving from a competitive sport of us versus them, or winning and losing, to a deeper experience of human connection.

But above all, be kind to yourself. We all get caught at times. When I notice that I have fallen into “comparing mind,” I think about what the Dalai Lama once said in an interview. “What was the happiest moment of your life?” the interviewer asked. He paused, looked around, and smiled. “I think this one.”

‍from Self-Compassion for Parents: Nurture Your Child by Caring for Yourself

Pause for Reflection

How will you face your anxiety this weekend this weekend?

If you would like support quieting worry and anxiety, check out the Handling Worry Journey in the Moment for Parents app.