The way you interpret the challenges of parenting can shape not only your emotions but the entire rhythm of your day. When overwhelm sets in, it’s easy to slip into self-criticism or believe that your struggles are proof you’re not good enough. But what if you paused to notice the difference between what’s actually happening and the stories you're telling yourself?
Parenting is a complex mix of joy, frustration, love, and doubt, often all at once. The tension between caring for children and meeting the demands of life is constant. It’s easy to see these struggles as personal shortcomings, but often, they’re simply part of the messy reality of raising children, especially in a society that lacks structural supports. Your thoughts, especially in tough moments, can become tinted by your emotions, leading you to believe opinions—like “I’m a bad parent”—are facts. Recognizing this difference is powerful. It allows you to step back, question your inner critic, and see yourself with more compassion and clarity.
You can start to shift your mindset with a few simple practices:
Remember, you don’t have to believe every thought that crosses your mind. By gently challenging unhelpful thoughts, you create space for self-compassion and release uncomfortable feelings.
Jill Smokler, New York Times bestselling author and founder of the parenting website Scary Mommy, makes the simple reminder that:
Being a parent is dirty and scary and beautiful and hard and miraculous and exhausting and thankless and joyful and frustrating all at once. It’s everything.
Jessica Grose, New York Times journalist, editor, and author, reflects on the eternal tension of parenthood:
As I read Olsen’s words, I thought about all of the mothers I’ve spoken to over the years, both as a journalist and as a friend, who acutely feel the conflict between mothering and all other aspects of life. They often take that feeling of tension as a signal that they’re doing something wrong — working too much or not hard enough. They don’t always think about the financial or structural issues holding them back. They’ll often see hurdles as personal failures and feel guilty about whatever they think they are giving short shrift.
But what if they accepted the tension as eternal? What if there will always be some feelings of frustration and exhaustion bumping up against the feelings of joy and everlasting love? I don’t think this feeling is exclusive to mothers or to mothers who work for pay. Involved fathers feel the push-pull of life and family the same way mothers do; they just have fewer social expectations around their parenting and more social expectations around their paid work.
from The ‘Impossible Life’ of Equal Devotion to Art and Mothering
How might you challenge your unhelpful thoughts this weekend?
Learn more about responding to stress in the Managing Stress Journey in the Moment for Parents app.