When your child cries, “That’s not fair,” it can hit close to home. Parenthood is rarely fair, and life doesn't deal us the perfect hand. Even when things feel stacked against you, you get to choose how you meet the moment.
Difficult emotions, such as frustration, anger, sadness, are part of parenting, especially when others’ words or actions sting. It’s easy to let these feelings take over, but self-regulation offers a way to pause, reflect, and choose a response that aligns with your values. This isn’t about ignoring your pain or pretending everything is fine. It’s about treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend, recognizing that your feelings are valid, and giving yourself space to respond thoughtfully.
Here are a few ways to put this into practice when you feel triggered:
Pause and take a few slow, deep breaths. Check-in with your senses: what do you see, hear, feel, smell, or taste?
You have the strength to meet hard moments with self-kindness. Remember, even if you can't control the circumstances, you can choose how you show up.
Self-compassion expert and author, Kristen Neff, reveals a path to self-kindness:
But self-kindness involves more than merely stopping self-judgment. It involves actively comforting ourselves, responding just as we would to a dear friend in need. It means we allow ourselves to be emotionally moved by our own pain, stopping to say, “This is really difficult right now. How can I care for and comfort myself in this moment?” With self-kindness, we soothe and calm our troubled minds.
from Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
Jill Smokler, New York Times bestselling author and founder of the parenting website Scary Mommy, offers a refreshingly honest reminder:
Admitting that this job isn’t always easy doesn’t make somebody a bad mother. At least, it shouldn’t. We’re all on this ride together. We are not the first ones to ever accidentally tell our children to shut up, or wonder—just for a moment—what it would be like if we’d never had children. We aren’t the first mothers to feel overwhelmed and challenged and not entirely fulfilled by motherhood. And we certainly won’t be the last.
How will you choose your reaction this weekend?
Learn more about responding to stress in the Managing Stress Journey in the Moment for Parents app.