Comparing Gracefully

May 16, 2025

Principles

When things are hard, it’s so easy to look around and assume others have it easier. It might seem as if their homes are calmer, their work is more rewarding, or their relationships more loving. But the truth is, no one is handed a perfect set of cards. We're all just doing the best we can with what we’re holding. And when you’re parenting through exhaustion, grief, or stress, comparison can be especially painful.

That’s why self-awareness is so important. Not the kind that leads to self-judgment, but the kind that helps you notice your emotions with curiosity and compassion. When you find yourself scrolling through someone else's highlight reel or feeling like you're falling short, pause. What are you actually feeling? What do you need?

Here a few practical steps that can help you catch yourself if comparison is turning into self-critique:

  • Lean into Gratitude: Each day, list three things you're grateful for to shift your focus from what's lacking to the abundance in your life.
  • Celebrate and Communicate: Support your mom friends in their successes and share your own challenges. Vulnerability opens the door to support and validation.
  • Limit Social Media Use: Take breaks from social media to reconnect with yourself and your loved ones IRL.
  • Prioritize Self-Care: Determine what do you need to feel like you. Take time to reconnect with yourself.

Remember, just because someone’s life is different doesn’t mean its better or easier. It’s like apples and oranges. Neither is inherently better or worse. If envy starts to sneak in, try to see it as a gentle reminder to tend to what makes you feel whole. It’s like the Beatles lyric from All You Need is Love: “Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.

A Few Perspectives

Cleo Wade, author, poet, and activist, reminds us about the power of our thoughts:

Tend to your thoughts with care. They have the power to grow weeds or flowers.

Mary Cooper, mom in the Big Bang Theory, wisely said:

Sometimes it’s the imperfect stuff that makes things perfect.

Pause for Reflection

What do you need to feel like you this weekend?

Continue this reflection in the Moment for Parents app.