Worry is a familiar companion for many parents. Our minds are wired to look for problems and try to fix them. That's what makes it easy to believe that if you just prepare enough or think through every possibility, you’ll avoid hardships for your family. The trouble is, worry can get in the way of appreciating your life.
If you're overcome with worry, you might wish to just stop or avoid those throughs. Unfortunately, that's usually a recipe for making worries louder in your mind.
Instead, what if you allow your worries to exist without letting them taking over your actions? To start, you can start to shift your relationship with worry by practicing a “both/and” mindset: you can feel worried and still move forward. Here are a few ways to put this into practice:
You don’t have to let worry run your mind. Each time you notice a worry and choose to respond with compassion and presence, you’re strengthening your ability to handle whatever comes your way, even if it feels uncertain. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, and accepting yourself as you are.
Author Judith Warner remarks how:
What's really unique about maternal anxiety today is our belief that if something goes wrong with or for our children, it's a reflection on us as mothers. Because we believe we should be able to control life so perfectly that we can keep bad things from happening.
from Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety
Erma Bombeck, American humorist and author, captures the wisdom of the messy, imperfect, fleeting moments that make up a life well lived:
Someone asked me the other day if I had my life to live over would I change anything.
My answer was no, but then I thought about it and changed my mind.
If I had my life to live over again I would have waxed less and listened more.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy and complaining about the shadow over my feet, I'd have cherished every minute of it and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was to be my only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten popcorn in the "good" living room and worried less about the dirt when you lit the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have burnt the pink candle that was sculptured like a rose before it melted while being stored.
I would have sat cross-legged on the lawn with my children and never worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television ... and more while watching real life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband which I took for granted.
I would have eaten less cottage cheese and more ice cream.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the Earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for a day.
I would never have bought ANYTHING just because it was practical/wouldn't show soil/ guaranteed to last a lifetime.
When my child kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now, go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more I love yous ... more I'm sorrys ... more I'm listenings ... but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it ... look at it and really see it ... try it on ... live it ... exhaust it ... and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it.
from Eat Less Cottage Cheese And More Ice Cream Thoughts On Life From Erma Bombeck
How will you meet worries with compassion and presence this weekend?
If you find yourself struggling with worries and anxiety, check out the Handling Worry Journey in the Moment for Parents app.