Mother’s Day can stir up uncomfortable emotions for me. While I love my kids’ warm snuggles and kisses, I also wish I could hug my own mom—and that my kids had had the chance to meet and hug her too. Seeing all the “Perfect for Moms” ads make my blood boil, especially knowing that what moms truly need—particularly in the United States—are structural supports like paid leave, accessible childcare, high-quality public education, among others. I also find myself noticing my own unmet needs and expectations for Mother’s Day. It’s a full spectrum of emotions, and I’ve learned to embrace them all.
If Mother's Day feels heavy or complicated for you too, you’re not alone. Many moms carry grief, longing, or disappointment into this weekend—because of infertility or pregnancy loss, the absence of a mother figure, the weight of invisible labor, or the gap between how we imagined motherhood would feel and what it’s actually like. These feelings don’t make you ungrateful. They make you human. And like all emotions, they’re trying to tell you something.
Emotions arise when something matters to us. They show up in three ways: as a subjective experience (like sorrow or guilt), as a physical reaction (maybe a lump in your throat or an anxious heart), and as a behavioral cue (a need to cry, or withdraw, or reach out). The tricky part is, your body responds the same way whether you’re facing a real threat or just a really hard moment. That’s why something like Mother’s Day can feel unexpectedly overwhelming.
So here’s what might help if you find yourself in the face of unexpected emotions this Mother’s Day:
This weekend, may you feel permission to feel it all. And may you be met with softness in all the places that feel tender.
Best-selling self-help author, Melody Beattie, reminds us to love ourselves, first and foremost:
No matter what, love yourself.
Love yourself, even if it feels like the world around you is irked with you, even if it feels like those you’ve counted on most have gone away, even if you wonder if God has abandoned you.
When it feels like the journey has stopped, the magic is gone, and you’ve been left sitting on the curb, love yourself. When you’re confused and angry about how things are going or how they’ve gone, love yourself. No matter what happens or where you are, love yourself. No matter if you aren’t certain where you’re going or if there’s anyplace left to go, love yourself.
This situation will change, this time will pass, and the magic will return. So will joy and faith. You will feel connected again– to yourself, God, the universe, and life. But the first thing to do is love yourself. And all the good you want will follow.
from Journey to the Heart: Daily Meditations on the Path to Freeing Your Soul
Best-selling author, New York Times contributor and a leading voice at the intersection of mental health and gender, Pooja Lakshmin, MD, offers this straightforward advice about feelings:
Feelings are not rational actors. They just are. It’s our job to learn how to feel them, and then we can decide if we want to take action based on them.
from Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness
What do you need to feel loved this Mother’s Day? If you haven’t already told someone, do so now.