Letting Go of Guilt

Principles

Mom guilt can feel like a constant companion in parenting. But guilt is a complicated emotion—and it’s worth pausing to unpack it. At its core, guilt is a feeling of worry or unhappiness because you believe you’ve done something wrong.

Think back to the last time you felt mom guilt. Did you actually do something wrong?

Chances are, you didn’t. Guilt often surfaces when we’re navigating hard tradeoffs between the many roles we hold. Maybe you chose to take care of your own needs instead of being fully present for your child. Or you missed a work deadline because your toddler had a fever. These choices don’t make you a bad parent or a bad person—they make you a human being trying to do the best you can with what you have.

And that uncomfortable feeling? That’s not failure—it’s compassion. It’s a sign you care deeply. But you also only have so much of yourself to give.

Here are a few ways to work with guilt when it shows up:

• Name what else you’re feeling. Guilt often arrives hand-in-hand with emotions like fear, disappointment, or uncertainty. Naming those feelings can help you process them more clearly.
• Prioritize your well-being. Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Rested, supported parents are better able to show up in all areas of life.
• Get clear on your values. Knowing what matters most to you helps guide tough decisions and quiets the noise of unrealistic expectations.
• Choose your people wisely. Seek out the ones who remind you you’re doing enough—and create distance from those who don’t.
• Model self-compassion. When your kids see you give yourself grace, they learn how to do the same.

Here’s the truth: guilt isn’t a moral compass. It’s a signal that you’re moving through complex situations without clear answers. And that’s part of parenting. Letting go of guilt doesn’t mean you care less—it means you’re making space for growth, connection, and joy.

A Few Perspectives

Johann Hari, journalist and playwright, reminds us reconnect with our basic humanity:

You aren’t a machine with broken parts. You are an animal whose needs are not being met. You need to have a community. You need to have meaningful values, not the junk values you’ve been pumped full of all your life, telling you happiness comes through money and buying objects. You need to have meaningful work. You need the natural world. You need to feel you are respected. You need a secure future. You need connections to all these things. You need to release any shame you might feel for having been mistreated.

from Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression - and the Unexpected Solutions

Best-selling author and expert on co-dependency, Melanie Beattie, explains why we ought to let go of guilt and shame:

Guilt and shame are not useful as a way of life. Stop the “shoulds.” Become aware of when we’re punishing and torturing ourselves and make a concerted effort to tell ourselves positive messages. If we should be doing something, do it. If we’re torturing ourselves, stop it. It gets easier.

from Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Pause for Reflection

How might you let go of guilt this weekend?

Continue this reflection in the Moment for Parents app