Beth Zalantai, MSc, is a clinically trained mental health professional with extensive experience delivering and supervising evidence-based psychological care. As a mom and therapist, Beth provides compassionate support for moms navigating their mental health.
The desire to provide the best for your family is at the heart of everything you do. While society drives you to aim for perfection, striving for these often unattainable standards can leave you feeling exhausted and defeated. The good news is that by reframing your thinking and embracing imperfection, you can find a more self-compassionate and fulfilling way to parent. Sometimes, what’s best for your family is to let go of perfection and do things the “easy” way. In this article, we will explore the concept of "doing what works" and how it can bring you closer to your family.
Parenthood is filled with unexpected challenges, and it's important to be gentle with yourself during this time. It can be so disappointing when things don't go the way you imagined, but reframing your thinking can help you see the positives in imperfection.
Consider the following example, which featured on an episode of the podcast Motherhood Sessions. The host, reproductive psychologist Dr. Alexandra Sacks, speaks to a single mother (Zoe) facing challenges with wanting to give her child the best. They talk about how Zoe feels as if she isn’t doing good enough. One particular belief she holds is, "If I don’t cook for my family, then I'm a failure." They discuss the potential benefits of eating a frozen dinner sometimes, and how she would gain something much more precious in return: time bonding with her child.
The next time you catch yourself thinking I must, I should, or If I don’t and ending with ....or I’m a failure, pause for a second and ask yourself the following:
1). Would I expect this of a close friend?
2). Is there a benefit of not doing it?
3). What could I do differently?
By embracing imperfection, you allow yourself to be more self-compassionate and willing to try something new—something that might work better for you and your family
When you prioritize doing what works over striving for perfection, you create a healthier environment for both yourself and your family. This mindset shift allows you to let go of unnecessary pressures, guilt, and comparisons with other parents. The easier path might not always seem glamorous, but it can lead to more happiness, balance, and fulfillment in your life.
Another way to think about this is through the lens of "good enough parenting." You don’t have to be perfect to be a loving, supportive parent; in fact, research shows that “good enough” is often what helps children thrive. Small mistakes or moments when you need to tend to your own well-being aren’t failures.—they’re opportunities for your child to become more resilient.
The next time you are faced with a choice between a difficult path and an easier one, consider whether the easier choice will allow you to accomplish the same goal as the more difficult one. Importantly, it must also match up with what matters to you. Sometimes, the right choice might be the more challenging one because it aligns better with what’s important to you. However, in many cases, the easier path can be just as effective in achieving your desired outcomes. Taking the above example, it seems important to Zoe that her son is healthy and that she spends quality time with him. So what works for them is likely a balance of some home-cooking and some frozen meals! Trust your instincts and evaluate each situation based on what will be most beneficial for you and your family.
When you choose to do what works rather than what is perfect, you not only relieve yourself of the pressure for perfection, but you make more time and energy for what is important: being present with yourself and your loved ones. Give yourself permission to let go of judgments and comparisons, and trust that you have the strength and wisdom to make the right choices. By reframing your thinking and focusing on what truly matters, you can create a nurturing environment for you and your family.